There's a million little reasons
Why I love the Christmas season
'Tis the season to be jolly

It's the trees, the lights, the falling snow
The mulled wine and the mistletoe
Fa-la-la and boughs of holly

But my favorite thing above all of the reasons I just said
Is that mistletoe's not the only thing I can hold over your head

Let's celebrate Christmas
I love celebrating with you
Let's celebrate Christmas
The whole time, I'll remind you I'm a Jew
I'm a Jew, I'm a Jew, I'm Jew, ooh!

And sure, I love your pretty Christmas lights
But did you hear? We've got some kickass candles
That burn for eight straight nights

And yeah, you all leave cookies out for Old Saint Nick
But we leave wine out for Elijah
I mean, which one would you pick?

Christian kids get wafers when they go to mass
But Jewish kids get chocolate coins
Okay, is it just me, or does that one feel a little anti-Semitic?
I mean, we're giving young, impressional Jewish children chocolate money?

You know I love to decorate your Christmas tree
But I just trimmed my Hanukkah bush
You ain't got nothing on me
Let's celebrate Christmas
I love celebrating with you
Let's celebrate Christmas
The whole time, I'll remind you
That six million of my people died in the Holocaust

I know, that's pretty dark for a Christmas song
But if you're a Jew, then you know the truth
Jewish holidays are less of a day of celebration
And more of a day of punishment
In which we have to think about sins
And we can't eat anything

God, I get so hungry

Actually, I just found this out
You know in a Jewish wedding ceremony when a groom smashes glass underneath his foot?
I thought that the shards of glass were supposed to represent the many happy years that the couple was going to share together, right?
Turns out, no! It's an homage to the destruction of the temple of Jerusalem
Fun! Very romantic!

Let's celebrate Christmas
I love celebrating with you
Let's celebrate Christmas
The whole time, I'll remind you
That my people killed your Lord and savior
But hey, he came back, so we did you a favor
Don't punish me for my bad behavior
I'm a Jew, I'm a Jew, and that's what we do

Let's celebrate Christmas
Celebrate Christmas with you
Let's celebrate Christmas
The whole, I'll remind you I'm a Jew